out for the count


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Sunday, February 09, 2003

I bet my weekend was better than yours was. Nana nana boo boo.
Trista is a visionary, also

"Men are lesser beings. And the only ones who aren't have overcome tremendous social and genetic barriers to transcend their ineptitude."

Seconds after this statement, she gasps and looks up with an expression of pure understanding and clarity. Then she throws her arms into the air and exclaims "I've had an epiphany!" Hahahaha. I'm not sure how I feel about the opinion itself, but the whole episode was damn funny. Especially the subsequent harangue about how penises have ruined her life. Alright, alright...that's a slight exageration. But there was definitely a fifteen minute man-hating rant.

What's up with my recent quoting fixation?

Also, is it "definitely" or "definitly"? "Definitely" definitely looks better.

Saturday, February 08, 2003

Forecasting the future

Richard Russell's hot-collared vision of America's structural economic problem and deepening recession:

Joe Smith started the day early, having set his alarm clock (made in Japan) for 6 AM. While his coffeepot (made in China) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (made in Hong Kong). He put on a dress shirt (made in Sri Lanka), designer jeans (made in Singapore) and tennis shoes (made in Korea). After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (made in India) he sat down with his calculator (made in Mexico) to see how much he could spend today.
After setting his watch (made in Taiwan) to the radio (made in India) he got in his car (made in Germany) and continued his search for a well-paying American job. At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day, Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (made in Brazil), poured himself a glass of wine (made in France), turned on his TV (made in Indonesia), and wondered why he couldn't find a well-paying job in...AMERICA

Subtle message, eh?

We'll call it Lindsey-is-the-coolest-chick-in-the-world-who-sometimes-wakes-up-early Day and celebrate it by doing a little dance at 9:30am sharp on the 8th of February every year.

I know most of you won't believe me, but I was up at 9:30 on this fine Saturday morning. Mark this day on your calendars, folks. It'll probably never happen again.

I have an eye doctor appointment at 11:45. New glasses. You can barely contain your excitement.

Friday, February 07, 2003

Can killer whales do triple back flips?

Ordinarily, I'd be particularly sulky that my roommate's at Sea World in Orlando right now, probably feeding dolphins or watching Shamu do triple backflips, while I'm stuck on campus making fucking power point slides. My only comfort is that fact that right now in Orlando it's rainy, windy, and cold. Ha. Take that, you marine-lovin'-non-power-point-slide-makin' bastards.

Um, wow. Does that make me a bad person?

Thursday, February 06, 2003

A whole lotta truth is said in jest

Trista, jokingly: Maybe I shouldn't let him wear that. I don't want any dumb ho's hitting on my boyfriend.
Lindsey, true to her sarcastic persona: She would definitely have to be a dumb ho to hit on your boyfriend.
Trista, slightly offended: Are you calling me a dumb ho?
Lindsey, saving her ass: No. Not at all. What I meant was that she'd have to be dumb because she'd know that you'd fuck her up if she made a move on your boyfriend.
Trista, very matter-of-fact: Psh. No, I wouldn't fuck her up. I'd dump Steve and then I'd shake her hand for giving me an excuse to do so.

Man. Can I call 'em or what.

Wednesday, February 05, 2003

It ain't easy bein' cheesy

On Monday, yours truly must stage a 20 minute presentation on a very exciting disorder we call lactase deficiency. Very interesting material. Riight. A Power Point slide must be made (Which by the way, I have no idea how to do. Someone give me a fucking clue!) to accompany this presentation. So yes, I have to spend twenty minutes bullshitting about how some people can't digest dairy products and the implications of this. Implications of being lactose intolerant? Wha?

If you experience bloating, flatuence, abdominal pain, foul smelling stools, or osmotic diarrhea when you eat dairy products, particularly cheese or milk: contact me today. I have answers!